Day Twelve

About 2.5 years ago I stepped down from ministry so that I could prepare my heart and home for the two beautiful girls we adopted from Haiti.  During this time I avoided pouring into others and had no desire to meet anyone one. I kept telling myself that I did not have the capacity and that it was okay to do and that it was healthy.  But 2.5 years was too long and I developed a social anxiety of sorts. My fear of speaking in front of people grew even larger to where I was having panic attacks and any confidence that I did have, went down the drain.  

I had allowed Satan to get ahold of my weaknesses and run with it.  But yet, I did nothing about it. I was content being in the background while my husband continued to step out, more and more in faith.

Going through the Experiencing God study helped me realize that I needed to get up and start serving His people again.  How could I experience all that God had to offer me if I wasn't willing to step out of my comfort zone? Matthew 11:24 says, "Until now you have asked nothing in my name. Ask, and you will receive, that your joy may be full."  So I began asking for prayer instead of being ashamed that, as a leader, I was having these struggles. I stepped back into ministry knowing that I needed to serve and that serving others would help in my healing.  

All good now right?  Nope. I was still continuing to believe the lies.  Lies that I had believed for so long that I caught myself still speaking them aloud to others.  It was not enough to just know that I had an issue and to know I was ready to make a change. It was time to take another step out of my comfort zone.  

For this fast I decided I was going to ask God to give me opportunities to step out and face my fears.  Day 1, I made an effort to connect with someone new. She and I have shared what we are fasting for and committed to pray for each other not knowing that God had spoken to my husband about doing the same with her husband.  Later that week while in mid sentence, I stopped and felt God telling me that I needed to stop verbalizing my weaknesses and instead speak in expectation. "I will show confidence during my meetings at work today", "I am strong", "I am smart".  Sounds a bit corny, but it works!! It is true that what you speak in your life will come to pass.

"The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit." 

Proverbs 18:21

I am expecting a transformation of my mind and believe it or not, I am already experiencing strength.  I am finding Joy in serving and connecting with others again. I can no longer hide in the background and expect to grow and for God to be ok with that.  During this fast I urge you to step out in expectation to what God has for you. Speak it and believe it. Do not stand in the shadows and expect miracles.  Step out and expect great things to happen!!

Natasha Glover